Madame Butterfly
by FreddieB
Summary: A few weeks after Peter returns from retreat and Assumpta returns home married. They are both tormented by their mistakes.
1. Chapter 1

Peter broke the seal on the envelope and opened it. A ticket to the opera from John, a parishioner who had no one else to go with. Peter sighed. He was very fond of John, a bachelor who lived alone with his dog and who Peter had often shared a drink with at Fitzgerald's. He would usually jump at the chance of experiencing an opera, but nothing could lift the dark cloud that hung in the air. He wanted the world to go away, to leave him to his misery. Of course he would go. Didn't he always do the right thing? He thought about her, closing his eyes. Misery was all he wanted.

Later that evening, Peter went to Fitzgerald's-forcing himself to go through what had been a daily routine for so long but was now done in a resentful effort to appear normal. Two minutes from his door. Two minutes to think about the places on her body Leo had touched, and kissed. He thought about hurting him.

A quick scan of the room-no Assumpta, a friendly nod from Brendan and Leo smiling. Of course he was smiling.

Assumpta, it turned out was on her way back from Dublin with Naimh having gone there to buy a dress to wear to the Opera. Leo was telling anyone who would listen about the new contacts he had made getting him tickets for the box. Brian was livid he hadn't managed to bag any himself. Peter smiled and crumpled a little more, deciding not to mention he was going too.

Halfway through his first pint, Leo answered the phone to Naimh who had called to say they were half an hour from home. Peter left in plenty of time to avoid seeing them.

…

The night of the opera and Assumpta was exhausted. Weighed down by a life she didn't want; consumed by thoughts of Peter. She did love the dress though. She ran her hands over the soft deep red material and thought about what Peter's hands would feel like on her body. Would he like how she looked in this dress? How would it feel to have him slowly undo the zip while he kissed her neck? She looked away from the mirror and resolved to stop thinking. She could hear Leo calling from downstairs. Stopping the tears with a tissue before the fell, she grabbed her bag and went to her husband.

"I think I've just seen the ghost of Audrey Hepburn." Brendan remarked as Assumpta walked into the bar filled with all the regulars. She blushed. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as Leo came towards her, planting a kiss in her hair. As he began to whisper how beautiful she looked, she flinched then at once tried to cover it by placing a hand on his arm.

"Have a fantastic time you two lovebirds!" Padraig offered and Naimh beamed. _How little she really knows me_.

Leo put his hand on her back as they walked outside to meet the taxi.

…..

John had driven Peter to the theatre in Killdargan and they had arrived early. John had insisted on booking them rooms at the hotel over the road so they could make the most of the evening and have a drink. Peter would usually have loved the escape but he knew he wasn't going to be able to avoid seeing Assumpta; this was some kind of torture. He was sure she still didn't know he was going to be there. What would she be wearing?

"Peter, wake up would you!" John nudged his friend as they sat side by side at the bar drinking a whisky. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm fine" Peter lied

"How was the retreat? Get some good time to think while you were away?"

"Too much time probably."

"Look I know you're the one that usually does confessions, but if you need to talk about anything, I'm very discrete."

"I'll bear that in mind. "

"You do that."

"Do you mind if we find our seats." Peter was determined he wouldn't see Leo and Assumpta in the bar and be forced into small talk with them.

…

They had been sat down for about ten minutes, talking mostly about football, and he was actually beginning to relax when he saw them walk into the box. She looked incredible. A deep red dress that clung to her soft ivory skin. Her hair was up making her neck look so long and beautiful. Tendrils he wanted to run between his fingers. Leo was behind her with his hand on her back. An older man, perhaps in his fifties, followed them in with a young blond woman in white dress blonde woman. Leo and the man were laughing. He could see Assumpta looked uncomfortable, nervous maybe.

He tore his eyes away to carry on listening to John without really listening at all. When he stole a look again he could see the older man and Leo laughing as the women talked, all holding champagne glasses. Assumpta's back was to him and he'd never seen so much of her skin, so white and smooth. He looked away again and felt the emotion rise, part anger and frustration, part despair making his palms sweat and his heart race quicken. John continued to talk, about the programme in his hand now, and Peter offered vacant nods and agreements.

When eventually the lights went down, Peter watched the party in the box sit down and he could now only see the tops of their heads. At least she hadn't seen him. His tux and tie were so uncomfortable, even more so than the dog collar. He felt so constricted and resigned himself to watching a performance through his fog of thoughts of her.

….

About 20 minutes into the performance, he knew he'd been hearing Madame Butterfly but he hadn't engaged at all. Another of many glances at the box and he saw a waitress bringing them more champagnge. Assumpta stood up as this happened and seemed to be pulling her arm away from someone. She moved to the edge of the box and looked out across the audience as the others appeared to be still sat down; she clung the box edge breathing deeply. He couldn't stop looking at her even as she slowly looked around the theatre. They locked onto his and he froze; she was clearly startled. He still couldn't look away as she frowned at him, asking what he was doing here. They stayed like that, unblinking and questioning until the older man in the box stood and put his hand on Assumpta's shoulder. She pushed him out of the way and turned leaving the box and out of Peter's sight.

….

She stood at the top of the stairs, expecting Leo to have followed her, ready to tell him to leave her be. But he didn't appear. That idiot from the paper in Dublin making excuses to lean over and out a hand on her knee. And Leo had just watched it happen and let it go. She had never thought he would be so desperate to take a job from such a low life. That poor young wife of his just sitting there too as if that behaviour was perfectly normal. Who was she kidding though, she could've handled it, told him where to go. The reason she fled was more to do with the shock of Peter being there to see it.

She thought about Peter looking so handsome in the tux and cursed. She made down the stairs, gripping the bannister tightly, feeling a rage rise inside. Anger at herself for still wanting him so badly.

She reached the landing above the bar at almost a run and stopped dead as she saw him below her at the foot of the stairs. She audibly gasped and put a hand out to the wall to steady herself.

"Sorry I startled you". She smiled weakly at him and made her way down the stairs as he came up. She suddenly became aware of her dress moving against her skin.

"What are you doing here Peter?"

They met halfway "Can I get you a drink Assumpta?"

"As long as it's a large one." He smiled warmly at her. She loved that smile; she hated it.

They walked side by side towards the bar and she could feel the tension between them. Was he shaking?

She walked ahead and made eye contact with the bar tender "A bottle of Champagne, put it on Mr Lewis' tab. Just the two glasses" The young man looked unsure for a second then nodded.

Peter was looking back at the stairs

"Don't worry Peter, they won't come looking for me, they're too busy trying to impress each other."

"Who's worried?"

The barman poured two glasses of champagne. Peter downed his glass in one and Assumpta just stared at him.

"What?" he ventured.

"Peter are you ok?"

"It should be me asking you that shouldn't it? That contact of Leo's- a bit of piece of work is he?"

"A total creep, but I can handle it."

"I've no doubt about that".

She saw his eyes twinkle. She had missed that. He never really looked at her anymore. He poured another glass and they sat silently for a minute.

Peter spoke down to his glass "I like your dress."

"Erm Thanks." She turned to look at him, forcing him to turn to her.

He was unflinching then as he looked her in the eye, so close she couldn't see beyond him. Her heart began to beat so loudly she worried he could feel it.

"How'd you like the opera?" she managed.

" I've not really gotten into it to be honest. I've a lot on my mind."

"Oh yeah?"

"Are you happy" he ventured.

She shrugged "Are you?"

Silence. She expected he was as unlikely to answer as she was. But then,

"I'm not actually sure priests are meant to be happy." He took a sip of the champagne and opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. She waited, hoping for more.

"Look Assumpta, if you're ok I need to get back to John. Maybe you ought to get back too."

He got up to leave. She drained her glass and followed him to the stairs.

"Peter…I miss you." She cursed herself again and looked at the back of his neck as he stopped dead.

He turned and walked back towards her "You're married Assumpta." He said it like an accusation, pinning her with his eyes.

"Thank you for reminding me Peter." She spat it out. They simultaneously took a breath and he let his frown go.

"I'm sorry." He breathed

"What for? Stating the bloody obvious."

"For walking away." He continued to look at her. Her mind raced. Did he mean what she thought he meant? She waited for more but nothing came. And then he turned to walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

Forcing himself to focus on the story on stage undid him further. The tragedy and heartache pulled at him.

He had arrived back in his seat just in time for the interval and told John he had been feeling a little unwell. He certainly felt it. John asked if he'd wanted to leave but Peter insisted they stayed. He let John go to the bar on his own whilst the curtain was down; he just needed to settle himself he wanted to see Assumpta return to her seat. She never came back. Halfway through the second half, he noticed that Leo had left the box.

…..

She had been facing the bar when Leo put a hand on the small of her back, making her jump.

She had waited outside during the interval-she didn't want to see Peter again and she didn't want Leo or his new friend to make any kind of scene made in front of other people-knowing herself, she imagined there probably would be one. Returning when the bar was empty, she had half expected Leo to be waiting for her. When she found he wasn't, she had asked for more champagne and almost growled at the bartender as he dared to raise a " Haven't you had enough" eyebrow. She rehearsed what she would say to her husband. Just sober enough to know that it probably wasn't the place; drunk enough to let it tumble out regardless.

He leaned into her, speaking to the side of her face,

"Assumpta, I was worried about you." She took a deep breath. "He's just had a bit too much to drink. He didn't mean anything by it. Believe me, I'd have knocked him sideways if he did."

She put her glass down and stepped away, wobbling slightly. Her head swam. He put an arm out to her.

"Leo I can't do this."

"I know. You always hated this bullshit. I can do it on my own, it's fine. It's about time I took you on a proper date hey?"

He was staring at him now, frowning and trying to remember the words, what order they came in.

"It's not tonight is it Assumpta?"

She shook her head looking at her feet.

"Look at me then." When she did, she watched him give in to the truth that had been there since almost since the day they'd returned to Ballyk.

"You think this marriage is a mistake don't you?"

"I've tried Leo. It's just…"

"Then try harder for God's sake." She could see him cringe at his own desperation.

The words she had thought would come still wouldn't. They stood there for a minute, each looking around the room, trying to find something else to add to make it any better.

" I'm going to back to my seat. I need to finish what I came here for tonight. I'm going to say you felt unwell. After that, I'll be back at the hotel. I want you to be there too. You need to decide what you really want. " With that he walked away from her. Second one tonight, she thought to herself.

…..

He sat on the bed and took off the bow tie. As soon as the curtain had come down he whispered to John that he needed to get back. Something about feeling dizzy-again not really a lie as the alcohol and swirling thoughts of her made him feel sea-sick .

He allowed himself, as he often to did, to imagine he wasn't a priest and that she had come to him. Closed his eyes and imagined her smell as she stood over him. He squeezed his palms until it was painful; he was never going to get over it-her marrying someone else. He started to think about leaving Ballyk. The knock at the door startled him and he knew it was her. His heart raced with anticipation.

She just stood piercing him with her eyes, hair dripping from the soaking she'd gotten in the rain. He registered the pounding of it outside now. How had he not noticed before?

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm not sure." She looked embarrassed and unsteady.

He stepped aside gesturing for her to go in but he just stood in the doorway.

"Please Assumpta. You must be freezing."

He got a towel from the bathroom and threw it to her. She busied herself drying her hair and neck.

Then suddenly she breathed, "I can't be married. I've tried. I can't stop thinking about you. "

The towel fell from her hands. He walked over to her and held on to her, as she seemed to dissolve. No crying just a feeling of her exhaustion that matched his own as she lent on him. He lent down to pick up the towel and, without really thinking about he was doing, he started to dry her hair. He couldn't take his eyes off of her neck and realised that she was staring at him. He pulled away and looked back at her. He walked to the bed and sat down with his head in his hands.

"Peter? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it."

"Just a minute."

He needed to think. Not act on impulse. He was vaguely aware of her drying her own hair again . Her moving to look at the rain out of the window. He looked at her and realised it wasn't impulse at all. He needed her. And he knew she needed him.

He walked over to her and took the towel out of her hands, gently wiping a drop of water from the back of her neck. He kissed where it had just been. She looked at him in the window's reflection.

"I love you Assumpta." He whispered into her hair.

She turned to him, unable to speak. She felt another drop of water fall from her hair to her collarbone and he lent in to kiss it then spoke with his lips against her skin,

"I can't walk away anymore."

He kissed the same spot again and she ran her fingers through the back of his hair. He kissed her again, this time her jawline then resting his forehead on hers.

They broke apart in unison as if the thought had hit them both simultaneously.

"It's over Peter. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't"

"You're still married. And I'm a priest"

She ventured a smile and leaned into him, resting her lips against his ear

"Do you feel like a priest now?"

"Assumpta" he meant it to be a warning but it came out as a sigh as he stepped away.

He looked at her and squeezed his palms again.

"I love you." she whispered. " I need you."

Maybe five seconds of silence still squeezing his palms, eyes closed now and deep breaths. Someone else's wife, his vocation, no going back.

She looked worried.

"I'm sorry I ever walked away"

As he said it and pulled her to him. She lifted her head up , brought her nose up to touch his cheek and waited for him to close the gap. He brought his lips down to brush hers and then it became a blur. Grazing and pulling of lips, gentle then hard then gentle again. Her hands on his chest and in his hair again. His hands on her shoulder and through her hair.

When they breathlessly moved apart a little, faces still together, he realised his shirt was untucked and unbuttoned.

She seemed to register his shock and nervously took a step back. He caught her hand and pulled her back to him.

"I can't stop" he spoke it into her mouth and kissed hard, holding her hair, then put his mouth to her ear, " Unless you tell me to stop."

"I can't." This time as she stepped back she pulled him with her. " I love you Peter… don't stop."

On the bed now. He felt himself harden almost as soon as he was on top of her. He ran a hand down her thigh, over the smooth silky fabric and back up again, lifting it in a bunch in his grip. He pushed down harder on her and knew she must now be able to feel it.

"I can feel you." She breathed into his neck, and he smiled.

"I certainly can." he replied with a grin. The joy when she laughed back.

"You look incredible in this dress." He slid his hand over her stomach up to her breast and she moaned his name. He kissed her breasts though the fabric and felt his groin ache as she gently ran her nails though his hair.

He looked down at her dress.

"How do I get in here?" he smiled at her, confidence growing but head starting to spin. She rolled over onto her front revealing on long zip. He undid it slowly, savouring every moment, kissing her back.

Then things seemed to speed up. Him pulling off his shirt, her wriggling out of the dress, him pulling his trousers off as he explored her with his mouth.

The transition from him realising they were both naked to him entering her just seemed to happen without any thought at all. A sudden flash of pleasure and they groaned simultaneously. They looked hard at each other then let go completely.

…..


	3. Chapter 3

His breath and her own and the rain again. She could feel her breathing slowing now. She pressed her lips against his shoulder, tasting him, pushing thoughts of the outside world away. Gentle waves of pleasure fading but still there; she moaned into his salty skin as he stroked her neck.

Her heart began to ache in her chest as reality pushed back. Where beyond this room could it ever work out? As if he sensed her stiffen, he pulled away to look at her.

"I can't let you go." His eyes were fierce, determined.

"Peter."

"We need to talk about this. I know that."

She tentatively put a hand against his chest, looking down.

"Look at me Assumpta."

"How could I look anywhere else?". Forcing a playful smile.

" I will do anything to be with you if you'll have me. Whatever the consequences. Please don't run away from me."

She meant the smile this time, feeling the blood pumping in her ears. It was what she had needed to hear. She pushed out the world again.

"Assumpta?" she felt him hold his breath, questioning her.

" I'm not going anywhere. Whatever the consequences."

He exhaled and pulled her back to him.

They talked whilst they made love this time, desperate to share secrets they had held back for so long. She had started it. Reminding him of the night they'd freed the sheep. Whispering gently in his ear, telling him that was when realised she was in trouble, how she had watched him in the dark and found herself fantasising about going home to the same warm bed together, a thought that had kept her awake all night. Pleasure and pain tumbled out as they unburdened themselves; confessing times when they'd both yearned to hold each other, times when they'd wanted to scream the truth, a play that hadn't required much real acting. She sensed they were heading dangerously close to recent, more painful, memories. She stopped moving beneath him and took his face in her hands and stilled him

" I have always loved you. I never stopped, even when you walked away." She needed him to know.

" I never stopped either. I don't know why I ever thought I could."

It was a need for food that eventually interrupted their peace. It was now nearly eleven and neither had eaten, they'd drunk the room dry of water too. He said he'd go down to the bar and pick something up.

He suddenly felt self-conscious as he climbed out of bed to find his clothes. She hadn't made it easy, staring right at him the whole time and grinning whenever he looked round at her.

"I'm feeling a little exposed here." Trousers on but still looking for his shirt.

"Sorry." she laughed. "Would this help."

She swung herself out of bed and stood in front of him, naked and now more exposed than him. She picked up his shirt from by her feet and threw it at him. He missed. She stood there not taking her eyes off him whilst he picked it up and put it on. She looked incredible.

"Am I distracting you?"

"A little." He hadn't seen so much of her all at once and despite everything they'd done during last couple of hours he couldn't help but blush.

Silently, she walked towards him and reached up to do up the buttons. He could feel her breath on is neck. It felt like home.

She looked up as she did the last button "You'd better come back."

"Of course."

"I'm starving."

"Oh that's it- you're just after the food."

"That and I want you to do that thing you just did again."

"Which bit was that?"

"All of it actually."

"Maybe I can think of some other things while I'm gone." He couldn't believe he was talking like this. She gave him a look of shock.

"Peter, have I ever told you that you surprise me."

"You've mentioned it before."

He replayed as much of it as he could in the lift, and was still replaying it when he reached the bar. Probably why the familiar voice startled him so much.

"Peter?"

He turned around to see John, who he'd blindly walked past. He was sitting at a table with a whiskey. He couldn't overcome the shock quickly enough to reply

"Are you feeling ok Peter?"

He walked over to John's table and sat down.

"I'm fine." He lied. He was actually better than he'd ever been, better than he could ever imagine being. He needed to play it cool.

" Peter I need to tell you something."

" Go ahead."

"Has anyone told you about my past? What do you know about my life?"

Peter thought this strange time to be talking about this but he was glad the conversation wasn't about him.

" Not really. You've told me you lived in Dublin and moved to Ballyk about 15 years ago."

"That's right. But you don't know much else, am I right?"

"No. Sorry John I probably should. You've never really talked much about your past."

"I haven't to anyone around here really."

"Well it seems like you want to now."

"I don't want to keep you Peter. You look like you'd like to get back to bed. Not feeling well still?"

" I'm ok. Tell me why you moved to Ballyk." He did need to get back but he needed to appear normal, priest-like.

John looked pleased as if that was the exactly the question he had wanted to hear. There was a flash in John's eyes. Something was off.

" I was a Priest." He paused, watching to gauge the reaction. The surprise on Peter's face had obviously been expected as he smiled. 

" I didn't know."

"Not many people do. Brendan does, but I think that's it in Ballyk at least. Oh, and Father Mac I'd expect, but he's possibly got reasons for not bringing it up. "

"Please go on." Peter watched John as he stared intently at him and knew that his was not finding this out just because he was a priest too,

"I was a good priest. A little ahead of my time for the church's liking. Remind you of anyone?" Peter smiled but felt a prickle along his neck, a feeling that he was being ambushed.

"The left of centre thinking wasn't my biggest problem. She was." He paused to watch Peter's reaction again. Peter stiffened.

"She was English, moved to Dublin for University and was working in a bar I went to for a regular evening pint. She was called Julia. Church hating, challenging, sarcastic and we somehow became friends… does _she_ remind you of anyone?"

Peter just frowned "Go on."

"I realised I was in love with her. It sort of crept up on me and when I was alone with her one night it completely overwhelm me and I slipped. I was sure she felt it too. Collecting glasses together and her hand brushed accidently over mine. I will never forget the way she tasted when I kissed her. Actually it was a little more than a kiss"

Peter swallowed hard. "What happened?"

"I practically ran out of the bar when I could finally see straight. I was sent on retreat. Not much different back then when you wavered. I went without telling her. But no amount of praying or meditating stopped her from filling my dreams every night. So, I took longer-a 6 month sabbatical without returning even once to Dublin, still no word to her. I went to Africa to do outreach work and it was there that I realised that no amount of time or distance was going to cure me of her. I decided to go home. The entire flight I struggled with what I would say to her, how I could make her forgive me."

Peter could see John was close to tears. He could feel the prickle on his neck run deeper.

"What happened?"

"She'd died. Two days before I came home she'd been electrocuted-a terrible accident with the wiring at the bar."

Peter looked back blankly, unable to find any words.

"I know. Terrible isn't it. I didn't even get the chance to find out if she'd really felt the same, and if she could ever forgive me enough to give me a chance. And that's when I left for Ballyk. It's where my family took me on holiday as child, the happiest place I could find. And that's where I've been ever since. Trained to be an accountant in Killdargen."

"And you gave up the priesthood straight away?"

"I had to. I hated it just as much as I had loved her." Peter's head was down now. " I'm sorry John." was all he could manage.

A few second of silence, Peter could feel he was being watched. This conversation was definitely about him.

"I saw her in the box tonight Peter" Peter looked back up suddenly. The ambush.

" I saw you at the bar with her-I'd thought I'd better check you were feeling ok."

"You didn't come over? You just watched us?"

"No I went back to my seat. But, I have been watching you for a long time. Not watching exactly, that sounds voyeuristic and it's really not been that sneaky. I've been noticing what's out in the open. Behaviour that was painfully familiar so impossible not to follow. The subtle looks you shared that were missed by everyone else. And it wasn't hard to make connections after that. Your sudden retreat, followed swiftly by hers then her rushed marriage to someone else. And then your absence at the bar and her abnormal quietness. Do I need to go on?"

"That obvious?"

"Only to me. And perhaps Brendan. I've noticed him watching too."

"So what do you expect me to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I'd like you to tell me you're not going to throw it away."

"But you know she's married."

"I could see that was over before it had even started. The night of the Battle of the Bars-she couldn't take her eyes off of you. It's over isn't it?"

Peter smiled in spite of himself.

"Yes it's over."

"Care to elaborate on the current situation?" Peter's eyes said no but John wasn't finished.

"Is she upstairs?"

"Oh my God! John! How did you.."

"It's written all over you. Don't make the mistake that I did and spend time floundering."

There was no point pretending " Yes I'm going upstairs to her." He felt liberated and exposed at the same time.

"Good on you. Don't take any more of Father Mac's crap either"

"Don't worry, I won't. I'm really sorry about Julia, John."

"Me too."

Peter, feeling like he was in some kind of crazy dream, lent over the table and shook John's hand, "I'd better be getting back." he managed.

"Just one more thing…" John took a ring of keys out of his pockets and started to take one of the keys off.

"What's that?"

John put the key on the table and took a pen out of his pocket. He began to write something on the napkin in front of him-an address.

"This is the key to a holiday home on the coast. I own it. It's empty for the next month. Cleaned and waiting for the next visitors. How about you ask for another retreat but take someone with you this time? As I said before, I'm very discreet"

Peter's brain was still catching up, he nodded.

John smiled broadly, pushing the key and napkin into Peter's hand as he stood up and walked away, leaving Peter dumbstruck, pinned in his seat. Just in time Peter turned to say "thank you" and John waved him away, walking on without looking.


End file.
